Open adoption. When you hear the term open adoption, what's the first thing that comes to mind? What emotions are you experiencing? Here's the thing: most people interested in domestic adoption have yet to learn what an open adoption is.
So let's talk about it.....
What is Open Adoption?
By legal definition from www.adoptionart.org
Open Adoption: An adoption that involves some amount of initial and/or ongoing contact between birth and adoptive families, ranging from sending letters through the agency to exchanging names and/or scheduling visits.
However, my definition is different.
What is open adoption? Khandy Bryant definition:
Open Adoption: An adoption involving ongoing contact between the biological and adoptive families. This contact can include BUT IS NOT LIMITED TO phone calls, video calls, texts, letters, gift exchanges, and may or may NOT include in-person visits. Open adoption is an adoption with consistent contact that works best for both families. It has the best interest of the child at the forefront.
Here's the thing: as a mother who has adopted twice, I had zero education on navigating the relationship with my children's first family post-placement; it happened organically.
If You're Nervous About Open Adoption...
If you are nervous about an open adoption, also known as communicating with your child's first family, here are a few things you need to know:
Having an open adoption allows your child to be loved by so many people.
Having an open adoption allows your child the opportunity to know their birth story, their heritage, their roots, their FAMILY.
Having an open adoption is NOT co-parenting. Open adoption doesn't diminish your role as a parent.
Having an open adoption will not confuse your child. They will have a clear understanding of everyone's relationship with them. You are their parent.
Having an open adoption allows you to get answers to questions you may not be able to if the adoption was closed. For example, family medical history and predisposed health concerns.
And last but not least, NO, they cannot take back their child.
Open adoption requires courage, vulnerability, and a willingness to step outside traditional norms. You may receive backlash from loved ones who don't understand adoption and lack education on open adoption. You may also be forced to sit through uncomfortable conversations at family gatherings.
Your open adoption will evolve over the years. Life gets busy, children grow and get involved in extracurricular activities. Birth mothers may get married, have other children, continue their careers, or move. With those changes, the communication you maintained early on may shift slightly. Not disappear, shift.
Why Open Adoption Might Be The Best Decision You Make
Open adoption can sound scary in the beginning, but think about it as opening your heart, home, and family to the beautiful, selfless, extraordinary woman who chose you and entrusted you with raising her child.
Once you become a parent, you must do what's best for your child. I have always said I want my children to be loved by as many people as possible. Opening my heart to their first family allows my children to be loved by their extended family, whom I will probably never know.
Open Adoption is opening your heart to the person who gave you the best thing you’ve ever had!
I invite you to learn more about me and my views on open adoption. Please check out my YouTube channel @khandybryant, where I share whether or not open adoption works.
If you are someone who is considering growing your family through adoption, please visit:
https://linktr.ee/MKAdoptionServices to learn how we can support you throughout your adoption journey.
This quote by Eleanor Roosevelt sums up how I equate open adoption. You are giving joy to your child and their first family, which will surely bring you joy in return!
"When you give joy to other people, you get more joy in return."
-Eleanor Roosevelt
With Love,
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