Mom guilt is a constant battle. There's no way around it. You constantly doubt yourself, second-guess your decisions, and blame yourself for everything that goes wrong.
An adoption journey can feel very similar to mom guilt. You fall into the trap of self-blame when things don't go as planned. But as a mother of two beautiful children through adoption, I've walked this road.
I'd like to share a bit of my story and remind you why you must give yourself grace during this process.
Six times. Six gut-wrenching disruptions left me shattered and questioning everything. Years of battling endometriosis, the emotional drain of infertility, and the added strain of military life all felt like too much.
What I’ve Learned
Adoption isn’t about control, and if you know me, I need to be in control! It's about preparation and patience. Here’s what you can and can’t control:
- What You Can Control:
Completing your home study.
The images used in your adoption profile.
Choosing ethical adoption professionals to work with. *REMINDER: licensed adoption professionals DOES NOT mean they are ethical. Hence, my SIX disrupted adoptions.
Educating yourself about adoption.
Being clear on the realities of adoption vs your expectations.
Listening to the adoptee's stories, they matter.
Preparing emotionally and financially for the journey. *To be honest, you can't emotionally prepare for an adoption journey.
Finding a supportive village that has experienced this journey.
- What You Can’t Control:
All of the risks involved with the adoption process.
The timing of your match.
A mother’s decision.
Unexpected disruptions.
The cost of domestic adoption.
The negative repercussions the adoption process can have on your marriage, relationship, finances, friendships, and physical, emotional, and mental health.
Stop Blaming Yourself
I’ve been where you are, wondering if I should have done more or made different choices.
But here’s the truth: adoption isn’t about worthiness. It’s about love, patience, and trusting the process.
Focusing on what you can control frees you from unnecessary guilt and allows space for hope. The disruption probably has nothing to do with you. So blaming yourself is pointless.
Final Thoughts
I am frequently asked how I do the quality and level of work I do. I respond that I live by the Golden Rule: Do unto others as you would like them to do unto you.
I am to our families who I wish I had when I was adopting. I learned all of the lessons in hopes of protecting our families.
It's about silencing the voice that tells you you're not enough. It's about remembering that your infertility or this journey does not define your worth.
You are worthy. You are enough. You deserve happiness.
Adoption isn’t perfect, but it’s powerful. It’s a journey of hope, love, resilience, perseverance, and faith. Give yourself grace, lean on your support system, and remember: You are not alone. I am fully transparent with our clients. I don't tell them what they want to hear but rather what they need to hear to ensure that everything will turn out well for everyone.
If you are ready to join a family of women solely committed to your adoption journey, dedicated to advocating for you at all costs and protecting your well-being, contact us now!
Please subscribe to my YouTube channel to learn more about me and my adoption experience.
Your story is unfolding, and your child will find you when the time is right. My six disruptions weren't in vain. I learned all of the lessons to help families like yours. It would be my honor to walk alongside you!
With love,
Khandy Bryant
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